Reflection

I have been meaning to update my blog for a while now but everytime other things seem to creep up. My cell leader from Singapore sent me a really encouraging email to remind me to keep my blog up because she said it's inspiring. For me, the blog is a way to help me to place my uncertainties on paper and to be a witness to God's grace.

So far this year, my blogs have been about Habitat and Youth Compass. All the wonderful things God has blessed me with by leading me to these organizations and to get me involve with them. But then I realize I have not been entirely honest. There are many things that I have left out. Many despairs that I didn't share, many moments of unhappiness. I guess I wanted to be "inspiring". I wanted only to accentuate the positive. But a Christian life is not one that is without battles and sharing that is probably just as important if not more.

The past year has not been easy. I have never felt this lonely before and the feeling was not going anywhere. I felt far away from God. I missed the feelings and emotions I had when God first spoke to me and during my baptism. I wanted everyday to feel like that but of course that's not possible. I now understand that the path with Jesus is one of mountain tops and valleys. There will be moment of glory when we can see the light of God on the top but then we must go down to the valleys of reality to continue our journey.

I also realized that I am tired. Not physically tired but tired of moving around every few years. Tired of always having to start a new life and tired of being on my own. I want to find someone that will share my passion and someone that together we will have Christ in the center of our life so we may fulfill the purpose the Lord has for us. I pray always and I especially pray that God will not let me stray. It's so difficult when I am alone in a new place and being surrounded by loving couples. I don't know whether this is a way for God to strengthen my character or is He saying this is it?!

But I must say if I really open my eyes and look, I see blessings from Him everyday. Not the earth-shattering types of blessings but the gentle trickle of a stream. That He continues to surround me with amazing brothers and sisters in Christ. He gives me strength and determination to try new things. And He protects me from making grave mistakes when He knows I am weak. For this I must give praise to our Lord, for He loves me so! Amen!