So much to learn

Pray to the Lord and please forgive my sins.

I just finished punishing my dog. I totally lost it when he growled and tried to bite my mom. I didn't try to understand why this happened or how best to deal with it. I simply relapsed to my old ways and punished Mocha without the least bit of patience. And when I finished punishing him I don't feel better at all but actually much worst. Worst in a way that I have let God down AGAIN! I have been praying for pateince. My sisters in cell have been praying for patience for me and here I am, just lost it. And I also feel bad that I lost it in front of my parents. I have been trying so hard to demonstrate to them what the Lord has done in my life and here I am reacting NOTHING Christ-like, more like a complete savage. I prayed to God afterward to ask for His forgiveness but then what good is that??!! I sin on exactly the same thing over and over again. I feel frustrated and feel like a fraud. When will I finally heal God's words and really learn to be patience and to control my temper.

I know this sounds defeated and frustrated and I am. But I also know that the Lord will not abandon me especially in my time of needs. I do want to change and to learn and I will simply have to pray with such fire and earnestness to remind myself to heal God's words.

Praise our Almighty God! Amen!