Stumbling Blocks

Romans 14:13 -- Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. (NIV)

How amazing is our God! I just want to praise Him and honor Him for He is always finding different ways to speak to me so I may learn His way!

I sent a rather judgemental and rude email to my business partner yesterday. Feeling a bit righteous and thinking I know better. Then I got a response from him which showed me my arrogance and how my email has visibly upset him. Naturally my first reponse was one of defensiveness. But then the Daily Bread email caught my eyes and I thought I would read that first before I give my business partner a piece of my mind. The Lord opened my eyes and showed me how easily I can be judging others when all judgements are reserve for our Lord. Before I comment on the speck of dust in other's eyes, I need to take the plank of wood out of my own eyes first! I immediately send an email to apologize to my partner. However the amazing thing is not just about asking for forgiveness from him and forgiveness from the Lord. But the Lord put into my heart to forgive myself. I have a really tough time forgiving myself for any sin that I commit and I tend to drive myself to such self-loathing that it becomes destructive. This time, after the Lord has pointed out my error and reminded me to confess my sin, He also reminded me to forgive myself for the blood of Jesus has washed away my sin and has given me forgiveness. I must then learn and move on.

Our Lord is truly the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. I pray that He will continue to renew my spirit everyday and may the Holy Spirit inside me guide me and lead me to a more intimate walk with God. Amen!

LOVE

Praise the Lord! What a beautiful Sunday! Not just a perfect day for worship but just simply perfect because God has made it so. Pastor Paul spoke of 1Corinthians13 today, my absolute favorite passage in the whole bible. Hope, faith and love, all important elements God has bestowed on us but ultimately it is Love that makes the difference. It never occurred to me until Pastor Paul mentioned it today. Hope and Faith are important but some how their characteristics will change when we meet the Lord in Heaven. Hope and Faith will be realized at that point. However, Love is the same. Maybe the Love will be even greater or maybe we will be able to "feel" it more but the characteristic is still the same. The amazing Love our Father in Heaven has, for giving us His only Son to die for us on the cross so we may have eternal fellowship with Him. And the Love that the Lord wants us to experience and share with everyone around us, whether they are families, friends, strangers or even enemies. I thank the Lord for His Love! There is nothing more or less that I can do will change that Love. Praise you my Heavenly Father! I pray that I will be able to spread the same Love to all those that are around me and may all Glory goes to you!

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstances." NLT 1Corinthians13:4-7

Absolute Grace

Our small group met up for the first time this year. It was great to see everyone, some new faces and some old faces. We are now studying Philip Yancey's The Jesus I Never Knew. What a fascinating book! I was behind on my reading so I started to catch up and didn't realize that I read past the chapter already! Yesterday we discussed Chapter 7, Message: A Sermon of Offense. We looked at 5 different interpretations of the Sermon on the Mount that was delivered by Jesus. What was interesting is how even today, we each still holds different ideas of how the Sermon should apply in our lifes.

For me as I read the chapter, what really captivated me was Tolstoy's response to critics that he has failed to live up to all of Christ's command. A few of his words stood out to me, "And I answer that I am guilty, and vile, and worthy of contempt for my failure to carry them out." He did not try to defend himself. He responded that he could not fulfill "one thousandth part of (Christian precepts)" but it is not because he did not want to but unable to. And he asked if anyone can help him escape the temptation of the world then help him do so in order to fulfill those precepts. He said, "Attack me, I do this myself, but attack me rather than the path I follow and which I point out to anyone who asks me where I think it lies." The Words of God is the truth and Jesus Sermon on the Mount is a description of God's characters. It is true that we will never be able to attain such perfection but we should certainly strive to. But as we are striving to follow Jesus teachings, we need to remember to not do it as if we are taking an exam or trying to score 100% on a test. We follow the teaching because we want to be close to God, to have a relationship with Jesus where we can walk together in good and bad times. What strikes me is the closing of this chapter when the author wrote, "we are all desperate, and that is in fact the only state appropriate to a human being who wants to know God. Having fallen from the absolute Ideal, we have nowhere to land but in the safety net of absolute grace." How true is that and how bless we are. For everytime we encounter difficulty or failure, we know it is a way the Lord is helping to strengthen us for greater things in His kingdom. And everytime we fail to live up to God's Ideal, we know that we are covered by His Love and Grace. Therefore, although we will never achieve perfection, but we should never stop striving.

Perfect Sunday

It was a really peaceful and lovely day yesterday. I got up early in the morning, prayed to the Lord for His renewal in me then went off to church. The weather was beautiful and as I looked out of the window from church, I could see the sun shinning and giving us warmth. Such is the greatness of God.

I returned home after the service and instead of simply watching videos, I started to read. I wanted to finish the Screwtape Letter, which I did. And I started picking up on other books to read. I picked up Jonathan Aitkin's book about Prayers for People under Pressure. And I leared about ACTS - Adoration/ Confession/ Thanksgiving/ Supplication. What a great way to pray! I remember asking that questions just a few days ago about why do I pray? I suppose the simplest answer is so I can communicate directly to God. So I can tell Him how much I love Him and how thankful I am of His love and everything that He has done for me. So I can confess to Him my sin and all my flaws and ask for His forgivenss and guidance. Then ultimately pray to Him for His mighty and loving Hands to work in our lifes and meet our needs.

Things are starting to clear up for me and my heart is slowly returning to peace. I just know that whenever I am weary, the Lord will give me rest!

Inward Renewal

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah40:29-31 NIV

I got up this morning and was getting prepared to go to work. Then I realized that I should pray first. I know my heart may still be struggling but I prayed for a renewel of strength and of faith. I walked out the door and saw the grey sky but then I started to remember the blog that I read about Wesley's father and the way he and Grace continued to praise the Lord even in the midst of their father's hospitalization. I only read the last 10 days of the 204days blog but they reminded me of the blessings that the Lord has given me everyday of my life. Then I looked up at the grey sky again and realized that for one bad thing that has happened the Lord has given me million of things to be thankful for. Even the rain is a renewl of life on earth for without it the plants will not grow and our physical thirst will not be quenched.

I have been receiving such encouraging words from everyone in the past couple of days. I know the Lord has surrounded me with angels that are prepared to catch me when I fall. For He has said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew11:28-30 NIV

I still need to constantly refer to the bible for scriptures and verses and I pray I will start to memorize them. But I am thankful that I am starting to recall what I have read and is getting easier for me to search for His Words. My brother wrote me an email and asked if there is anything we as a family can do for Carrie. I planned to visit her in a few weeks time as she settles. Then I was reminded again how bless I am. Although I see a healthy life taken away suddenly but then I recalled the blessings the Lord has bestowed on my own family. My parents are getting older but they are still healthy and we are able to spend quality time together. Through the difficulties in our own family, we have grown to be much closer. I am reminded to not take anything for granted and to tell my family how much I love them each and every day.

As I read through the Daily Wisdom, the writer dedicated a verse to her sick friend. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." NIV2Corinthians4:16 And I know the Lord is not only speaking to me but to our Chief. For no physical disease can ever take away our inward renewel and that shall sustain us eternally. I pray for such renewal in each of us. And maybe this is what will put the meaning of prayer back into my life.

Continue to struggle

As I read the blogs on the spiritual journey of my three friends and then remembered all that I have written in my own blogs and the time I spent with my cell group in Singapore since my baptism, I realized a commom theme. I have always felt that I am truly blessed. That the Lord has never put anything in my path that makes me feel utterly sad and defeated. I have always asked the question that what if I had to go through the same trial and tribulation as Job, would I still be standing tall before God at the end? I constantly worried that I will fail in His eyes and in the eyes of my brothers and sisters. But ultimately, that's just pride. I want to be the "perfect" Christian because it has taken me so long. I pride on being stubborn and that if I have chosen this path on my own after the Lord has shown me miracles so many times, then I must not waste any more time. Of course I have sinned...always...but somehow I never lost faith. I always feel blessed and that God loves me.

I can't understand why I am feeling so helpless at this moment, so overwhelmingly emotional. I am not particularly close to Hubert/Carrie and their family since we hardly see each other. But I was just there. He was alive and looking well when I left Courchevel on 26Dec. I witnessed a loving family. A family that radiates warmth and love for each others and those around them. Suddenly, a perfectly healthy life is snatched away. A loving life partner to my cousin and a loving father to his children, just gone.

I re-examined my prayers. I pray for healings, for love, for grace, for faith. But what am I really praying for? What am I thinking as I pray? Do I pray because I have to or feel that it is the "Christian" thing to do? I prayed this morning but did not start with my usual prayer. I don't want to be a hypocrite and a liar. I don't want to pray the usual prayer of healing and love when I don't understand what is happening around me. I know He knows but I want to say it out loud as well. I told Him I don't understand and I am sad and overwhelmed. But I don't want to lose faith. I prayed that the Holy Spirit will strengthen me from the inside. I still prayed for healings for others but I didn't pray for love for me anymore. I feel...I am just not ready yet...

A new start

It's been 8+months since I last wrote in my blog. Much has happened like moving from Singapore to Frankfurt. But nothing seemed like much after what has been happening in the past 2 weeks.

I spent a lovely and warm X'mas with my cousin Carrie and her family up in Courchevel in the French Alps. We had lovely X'mas meals at home. My neice and nephews, all adults now, were chattering away with their father Hubert and Carrie and I had great chats with her mom (my aunt). I was reminded how blessed I am that the Lord has given me not just amazing family but wonderful extended family as well. Then I spent a lovely and peaceful New Year in Copenhagen with an old friend. No loud party or crazy drinking but just quiet meals at home and lovely long walks around the city and its surrounding.

I returned to Frankfurt feeling refresh and got myself ready to start the new year feeling extremely content. I emailed my dear sisters in Singapore to find out how our "Chief" is doing as she is bravely fighting cancer. She has such great faith in the Lord even in the midst of her sickness. I then found out that the Chief is not doing well and the cancer cells are feverishly attacking and eating up any new blood transfusion that is going into her body. Everything must be left up to our Lord.

Then I got a shocking news yesterday that Carrie's husband Hubert, the family that I spent X'mas with, passed away a couple of days after I left Courchevel. He went for a walk with his son and felled and hit his head and never recovered from the injury. I was utterly shocked as I just saw him one week ago and he was perfectly fine. I spoke with Carrie and her son on the phone and offered my condolence. But besides that I really didn't know what else to say. I myself had a tough time accepting this fact until I spoke to them.

I cried. I cried not just because I was sad about the death but I cried because I absolutely do not understand why God is doing what He is doing. Why is He allowing our Chief to suffer? She has such great faith in Him and continues to have faith in Him to perform a mighty miracle. Why did He take away Hubert so suddenly and he is perfectly healthy? Why did He bring sorrow to such a loving family?

I prayed. I prayed not just for Grace and Love and Faith and Hope for Carrie and her family. I prayed not just for Hubert's soul to rest. I prayed not just for the mighty healing hands of the Lord upon our Chief. I prayed not just for the easing of pain on her body. But I prayed most earnestly to the Lord for not allowing any of us especially myself to lose faith in Him. I don't understand what possible purposes He has in doing what He is doing but I simply have to have faith that He has His purpose. So I continue to pray...