I have been meaning to update my blog for a while now but everytime other things seem to creep up. My cell leader from Singapore sent me a really encouraging email to remind me to keep my blog up because she said it's inspiring. For me, the blog is a way to help me to place my uncertainties on paper and to be a witness to God's grace.
So far this year, my blogs have been about Habitat and Youth Compass. All the wonderful things God has blessed me with by leading me to these organizations and to get me involve with them. But then I realize I have not been entirely honest. There are many things that I have left out. Many despairs that I didn't share, many moments of unhappiness. I guess I wanted to be "inspiring". I wanted only to accentuate the positive. But a Christian life is not one that is without battles and sharing that is probably just as important if not more.
The past year has not been easy. I have never felt this lonely before and the feeling was not going anywhere. I felt far away from God. I missed the feelings and emotions I had when God first spoke to me and during my baptism. I wanted everyday to feel like that but of course that's not possible. I now understand that the path with Jesus is one of mountain tops and valleys. There will be moment of glory when we can see the light of God on the top but then we must go down to the valleys of reality to continue our journey.
I also realized that I am tired. Not physically tired but tired of moving around every few years. Tired of always having to start a new life and tired of being on my own. I want to find someone that will share my passion and someone that together we will have Christ in the center of our life so we may fulfill the purpose the Lord has for us. I pray always and I especially pray that God will not let me stray. It's so difficult when I am alone in a new place and being surrounded by loving couples. I don't know whether this is a way for God to strengthen my character or is He saying this is it?!
But I must say if I really open my eyes and look, I see blessings from Him everyday. Not the earth-shattering types of blessings but the gentle trickle of a stream. That He continues to surround me with amazing brothers and sisters in Christ. He gives me strength and determination to try new things. And He protects me from making grave mistakes when He knows I am weak. For this I must give praise to our Lord, for He loves me so! Amen!
Monday, October 08, 2007
Friday, August 03, 2007
Romania...again
After months of procrastination, I finally logged onto my blog to realize that my last update was 3 months ago! If it wasn't because of the inspiring piece from Gela's blog, I probably would have waited another 3 months.
I know the title looks familar but then again I was back to a familiar place with familiar faces. Before I even signed up for Project Compassion, I already registered myself for a Habitat build in Oarja, Romania. I believe God had special plan for me because he knew that I would want to finish what I started. I was in Oarja from 4-15Jun for the second time and went back to the same apartment block that the youth groups worked on, for the second time! I worked on the same apartment and completed the plastering. It took me two weeks but when I walked out of that room, I was proud. God truly is amazing. Everytime when I worry that my passion for Habitat may diminish (kinda like my mom used to tell me that my intensity for anything is like a 3min egg, in and out and over in 3 min!), I find myself more passionate about Habitat with each build.
We had a really diverse group this time ranging from 17-62 years old with a good mix of guys and gals! And I was really thrill to have Ava (an old friend and ex-uni-roommate) to join this trip. We shared a room and it was just like old time, gossiping at night but minus the drinking (well much less drinking anyway!). What really strike me as a blessing is to look at the 4 young men that volunteered on this trip. They were between 17-20 years old. They could have spent their summer partying like what most young guys do but instead they traveled all the way to a small town in Romania to help build houses. I know God is telling me that there are hopes and if we open our eyes and our minds to see them, they are everywhere!
There was a minor incident, the young men were tasked with using sledge hammer to break the frame of the old door way so they can fit in the new door. Well...we can all guess what happen with guys and sledge hammer. When the sledge hammer was passed, it accidentally dropped on one of the guy's big toe and he was wearing tennis shoes. The lucky thing was that the toe nail didn't fall off but there was blood everywhere! And of course, I learn something new from this incident. Other than never to work with a sledge hammer and to make sure you wear hard work boots on site, that if you ever break a toe nail and blood is clogging under it, all you need is a tiny drill and you can puncture a little hole through the nail and release the blood. Apparently you won't feel a thing since there are no nerves on the nails! The downside is just that it gets pretty bloody. Oh and duct tapes work wonder in keeping dirt and water from the wound!
Our Romania team was awesome and everyone got on well. Our team leader was organized and totally cool, thanks John! Our local hosts were the best. Alex coordinated everything perfectly and Cristi was always the joker. Being there for the 2nd time was like home coming for me.
I know the title looks familar but then again I was back to a familiar place with familiar faces. Before I even signed up for Project Compassion, I already registered myself for a Habitat build in Oarja, Romania. I believe God had special plan for me because he knew that I would want to finish what I started. I was in Oarja from 4-15Jun for the second time and went back to the same apartment block that the youth groups worked on, for the second time! I worked on the same apartment and completed the plastering. It took me two weeks but when I walked out of that room, I was proud. God truly is amazing. Everytime when I worry that my passion for Habitat may diminish (kinda like my mom used to tell me that my intensity for anything is like a 3min egg, in and out and over in 3 min!), I find myself more passionate about Habitat with each build.
We had a really diverse group this time ranging from 17-62 years old with a good mix of guys and gals! And I was really thrill to have Ava (an old friend and ex-uni-roommate) to join this trip. We shared a room and it was just like old time, gossiping at night but minus the drinking (well much less drinking anyway!). What really strike me as a blessing is to look at the 4 young men that volunteered on this trip. They were between 17-20 years old. They could have spent their summer partying like what most young guys do but instead they traveled all the way to a small town in Romania to help build houses. I know God is telling me that there are hopes and if we open our eyes and our minds to see them, they are everywhere!
There was a minor incident, the young men were tasked with using sledge hammer to break the frame of the old door way so they can fit in the new door. Well...we can all guess what happen with guys and sledge hammer. When the sledge hammer was passed, it accidentally dropped on one of the guy's big toe and he was wearing tennis shoes. The lucky thing was that the toe nail didn't fall off but there was blood everywhere! And of course, I learn something new from this incident. Other than never to work with a sledge hammer and to make sure you wear hard work boots on site, that if you ever break a toe nail and blood is clogging under it, all you need is a tiny drill and you can puncture a little hole through the nail and release the blood. Apparently you won't feel a thing since there are no nerves on the nails! The downside is just that it gets pretty bloody. Oh and duct tapes work wonder in keeping dirt and water from the wound!
Our Romania team was awesome and everyone got on well. Our team leader was organized and totally cool, thanks John! Our local hosts were the best. Alex coordinated everything perfectly and Cristi was always the joker. Being there for the 2nd time was like home coming for me.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Easter in Romania - The End...or The Beginning
This has been an amazing and awesome week. I recalled on Friday morning before we got on the bus to our work site, John asked how I felt so far. I told him honestly that I needed to return home first and have a couple of days to grapple with this experience. I really wasn’t sure whether I am prepared to work with teens.
But after the Saturday cabin time, I realized the Lord intended for me to embark on this journey. The journey has been one that led to obedience, servitude, humility and love.
There have been many memorable moments, both good and bad ones. But those that really struck me were the prayers for the girls on Saturday night, when I hugged Kirsten and Alexis as they watched their new beaus returned home, and at the airport in Romania when Nicole asked whether I would go back to Club as she thought I would make a good leader.
Since our return from Romania, I have decided to join Club and work with the teens and one of the best news is that Kirsten has decided to accept Christ!
The Lord is truly awesome. He has shown me that as long as I rely on His strength and not my own, He will lead and guide me to fulfill His purpose. Hallelujah!!
But after the Saturday cabin time, I realized the Lord intended for me to embark on this journey. The journey has been one that led to obedience, servitude, humility and love.
There have been many memorable moments, both good and bad ones. But those that really struck me were the prayers for the girls on Saturday night, when I hugged Kirsten and Alexis as they watched their new beaus returned home, and at the airport in Romania when Nicole asked whether I would go back to Club as she thought I would make a good leader.
Since our return from Romania, I have decided to join Club and work with the teens and one of the best news is that Kirsten has decided to accept Christ!
The Lord is truly awesome. He has shown me that as long as I rely on His strength and not my own, He will lead and guide me to fulfill His purpose. Hallelujah!!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Easter in Romania Part III
12 April 2007 – Thursday
I knew the pressure would eventually get to me and after a few calm days, my temper flared. Today my 4 teams spent all day inside plastering walls while at the same time trying to stay out of the way of other teams doing the channeling and wiring work. As I was busy trying to make sure all the work was done properly and the construction workers have their cement delivered on time, I didn’t really notice that some of my team was sitting around for a long period of time with not much to do. Naturally, I was called over by the Habitat Director to query why kids were sitting around. I just snapped and raised my voice and said that the kids are waiting for the cement to dry and trying to stay out of the way of the channeling and wiring teams. I felt really awful afterward. I also raised my voice at the construction workers when all they seemed to do was to “order” us around to get this and that for them. They took our tools and never bothered to return them or cleaned them afterward. I thought, how much easier it is if I was not a work site leader or a cabin leader for the kids. I got especially miffed when I learned later in the evening that one of the workers dismissed one of our kids from the work site. I told other leaders that tomorrow I will definitely give them a piece of my mind! I thank the Lord for letting the day end and I had time to collect my thoughts. I know the Lord is using this experience to teach me patience and humility.
Cabin time tonight was the most difficult. We had to talk about sin, about how sin separate us from God. We needed to examine our life to “pull the skeletons out of our closets”. I dreaded this evening and as I walked out of Club I prayed to the Lord. I asked that He gives me the wisdom to lead this cabin time and I surrendered myself completely to Him and asked for the Holy Spirit to use me as the vessel for Lord’s Words. By the time I walked into the room the girls were already talking excitedly. The only subject that could get the teenage girls this excited was boys. They asked whether they could do some boys talk first and somehow I believe the Lord has purposely used this opportunity to help me listen with my heart. Alexis and Kirsten were sharing about the excitement of “new” relationships on this trip and the two Nicole’s shared how they deal with their relationships with their boyfriends which were also on the trip. As the conversation continued, I could sense where the Lord is leading with this discussion. I asked them how they coop with difficulties in relationships. I was really thankful that the girls continued to share and I felt a really close bond with them.
13 April 2007 – Friday
Today was our last full day of work on the work site. With the experience from yesterday, I realized that the Lord is trying to teach me patience and humility. Instead of being rude and commending toward the construction workers, I was courteous and polite. Somehow, I saw a change in their responses as well. They were much more respectful and even gave praises to the kids. Praise the Lord! The work procedure was getting smoother and more things got visibly accomplished today. We concentrated our effort on two of the bigger apartments and we could see the result from the fruit of our labor.
Club time today was about the cross and resurrection. Before everyone returned to their cabin we had 20 minutes quiet time. During these 20 minutes I sat with the other Frankfurt leaders to pray for cabin time and for the kids. It occurred to me for the first time that the end result of this week was not about “leading” the non-believers to Christ. This was the major worry I had from the beginning. I thought if that didn’t happen then I have failed God. But during this week I have learned that we are not the one “leading” the kids to Christ, God is doing that. We are here to serve the kids and to reflect the Glory of Christ by being a good and obedient servant. As I returned back to the Cabin I asked the girls about their 20minutes quiet time and to share their experiences so far in the week. I was really relaxed and felt a burden has been lifted from my shoulders.
14 April 2007 – Saturday
Our last day of work, we spent most of the morning doing finishing touches and after lunch we started to clean up. We had group photos taken and everyone was happy and sad to leave the site. I made sure I had a photo taken with Christi our Construction Director. I told him I will see him again in June when I come back with another Habitat group. I also said goodbye to a few home owners that have been working with us in the past week. And I am looking forward to seeing them again in June. God is good!
We had our celebration dinner this evening where the families that we have been helping came to join us. Alex made a moving speech and I could see a few tearful faces in the room including mine! I knew once again that the Lord has introduced Habitat to me as one of His greatest gift, a gift that has opened my heart, my soul and my mind. Habitat is a gift that has taught me the concept of selfless living. Hallelujah!
This was our last Club talk and John wanted all of us to share our thoughts on Christ and to respond to Him in private during cabin time. I really didn’t know what to expect but somehow I felt the Holy Spirit stirred strongly in me. The Lord has been pressing me to pray for these girls and I have been doing so in private. However, I had a strong sense that the Lord wanted me to pray for these girls openly with them. This is something that I am extremely uncomfortable with. I can pray with my small group because they are brothers and sisters that I trust but I have problems praying openly with and for others. I worry about what others will think. I worry that my prayers are not powerful enough or moving enough. These are such ridiculous worries but I confess that I do have them. As I slowly walked back toward the room, I still had no idea what I should do. Once the girls all returned we started our last cabin time. This had been a long week and everyone was really tired. But praised the Lord, as I probed them about their best and worst experiences this week, everyone openly shared their thoughts. I also asked whether their views about God has changed. The two Nicole’s still feel the same about God and Alexis still does not believe. However, Kirsten said that now God is at the forefront of her mind and she can no longer push Him away. Hallelujah! As we sat their quietly for a few minutes, I felt the Holy Spirit stirring strongly in me and I asked the girls whether they mind if I pray for them. I knew the prayer was put into my heart by the Lord. I am notorious for not listening and remembering about what others tell me. But as I prayed for these girls, everything they said to me through out the week just came bubbling up. I knew that the Lord wanted the girls to know that He is watching over them whether they believe Him or not. As I prayed for these girls I didn’t care how I sound or whether I am making sense. I didn’t care whether my prayer was moving or powerful, I just knew that this is what the Lord wants me to say. As I finished my prayer, I could no longer hold back my tears but they were tears of joy! The girls hugged me and I knew the Lord is with them!
I knew the pressure would eventually get to me and after a few calm days, my temper flared. Today my 4 teams spent all day inside plastering walls while at the same time trying to stay out of the way of other teams doing the channeling and wiring work. As I was busy trying to make sure all the work was done properly and the construction workers have their cement delivered on time, I didn’t really notice that some of my team was sitting around for a long period of time with not much to do. Naturally, I was called over by the Habitat Director to query why kids were sitting around. I just snapped and raised my voice and said that the kids are waiting for the cement to dry and trying to stay out of the way of the channeling and wiring teams. I felt really awful afterward. I also raised my voice at the construction workers when all they seemed to do was to “order” us around to get this and that for them. They took our tools and never bothered to return them or cleaned them afterward. I thought, how much easier it is if I was not a work site leader or a cabin leader for the kids. I got especially miffed when I learned later in the evening that one of the workers dismissed one of our kids from the work site. I told other leaders that tomorrow I will definitely give them a piece of my mind! I thank the Lord for letting the day end and I had time to collect my thoughts. I know the Lord is using this experience to teach me patience and humility.
Cabin time tonight was the most difficult. We had to talk about sin, about how sin separate us from God. We needed to examine our life to “pull the skeletons out of our closets”. I dreaded this evening and as I walked out of Club I prayed to the Lord. I asked that He gives me the wisdom to lead this cabin time and I surrendered myself completely to Him and asked for the Holy Spirit to use me as the vessel for Lord’s Words. By the time I walked into the room the girls were already talking excitedly. The only subject that could get the teenage girls this excited was boys. They asked whether they could do some boys talk first and somehow I believe the Lord has purposely used this opportunity to help me listen with my heart. Alexis and Kirsten were sharing about the excitement of “new” relationships on this trip and the two Nicole’s shared how they deal with their relationships with their boyfriends which were also on the trip. As the conversation continued, I could sense where the Lord is leading with this discussion. I asked them how they coop with difficulties in relationships. I was really thankful that the girls continued to share and I felt a really close bond with them.
13 April 2007 – Friday
Today was our last full day of work on the work site. With the experience from yesterday, I realized that the Lord is trying to teach me patience and humility. Instead of being rude and commending toward the construction workers, I was courteous and polite. Somehow, I saw a change in their responses as well. They were much more respectful and even gave praises to the kids. Praise the Lord! The work procedure was getting smoother and more things got visibly accomplished today. We concentrated our effort on two of the bigger apartments and we could see the result from the fruit of our labor.
Club time today was about the cross and resurrection. Before everyone returned to their cabin we had 20 minutes quiet time. During these 20 minutes I sat with the other Frankfurt leaders to pray for cabin time and for the kids. It occurred to me for the first time that the end result of this week was not about “leading” the non-believers to Christ. This was the major worry I had from the beginning. I thought if that didn’t happen then I have failed God. But during this week I have learned that we are not the one “leading” the kids to Christ, God is doing that. We are here to serve the kids and to reflect the Glory of Christ by being a good and obedient servant. As I returned back to the Cabin I asked the girls about their 20minutes quiet time and to share their experiences so far in the week. I was really relaxed and felt a burden has been lifted from my shoulders.
14 April 2007 – Saturday
Our last day of work, we spent most of the morning doing finishing touches and after lunch we started to clean up. We had group photos taken and everyone was happy and sad to leave the site. I made sure I had a photo taken with Christi our Construction Director. I told him I will see him again in June when I come back with another Habitat group. I also said goodbye to a few home owners that have been working with us in the past week. And I am looking forward to seeing them again in June. God is good!
We had our celebration dinner this evening where the families that we have been helping came to join us. Alex made a moving speech and I could see a few tearful faces in the room including mine! I knew once again that the Lord has introduced Habitat to me as one of His greatest gift, a gift that has opened my heart, my soul and my mind. Habitat is a gift that has taught me the concept of selfless living. Hallelujah!
This was our last Club talk and John wanted all of us to share our thoughts on Christ and to respond to Him in private during cabin time. I really didn’t know what to expect but somehow I felt the Holy Spirit stirred strongly in me. The Lord has been pressing me to pray for these girls and I have been doing so in private. However, I had a strong sense that the Lord wanted me to pray for these girls openly with them. This is something that I am extremely uncomfortable with. I can pray with my small group because they are brothers and sisters that I trust but I have problems praying openly with and for others. I worry about what others will think. I worry that my prayers are not powerful enough or moving enough. These are such ridiculous worries but I confess that I do have them. As I slowly walked back toward the room, I still had no idea what I should do. Once the girls all returned we started our last cabin time. This had been a long week and everyone was really tired. But praised the Lord, as I probed them about their best and worst experiences this week, everyone openly shared their thoughts. I also asked whether their views about God has changed. The two Nicole’s still feel the same about God and Alexis still does not believe. However, Kirsten said that now God is at the forefront of her mind and she can no longer push Him away. Hallelujah! As we sat their quietly for a few minutes, I felt the Holy Spirit stirring strongly in me and I asked the girls whether they mind if I pray for them. I knew the prayer was put into my heart by the Lord. I am notorious for not listening and remembering about what others tell me. But as I prayed for these girls, everything they said to me through out the week just came bubbling up. I knew that the Lord wanted the girls to know that He is watching over them whether they believe Him or not. As I prayed for these girls I didn’t care how I sound or whether I am making sense. I didn’t care whether my prayer was moving or powerful, I just knew that this is what the Lord wants me to say. As I finished my prayer, I could no longer hold back my tears but they were tears of joy! The girls hugged me and I knew the Lord is with them!
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Easter in Romania - Part II
9 April 2007 – Monday
Since its still public holiday in Romania, we spent the day doing team building activities and meeting our Habitat Romania host. Everyone was split into teams and we have 14 in all. Each team was assigned two work team leaders. Being a work site leader, I didn’t get a team of my own but would end up working with every team that would come around and plaster the building!
In the afternoon we had the Pitesti Habitat team to give us an introduction. This was the first time we met the local Habitat coordinator Alex Zaharai. He is absolutely hilarious and has such a great way with kids. Everyone loves him!
Our cabin time topic tonight was “Is there a God”. We deliberately started the talks on the light side since we wanted to share their views freely. In my cabin we have one Catholic, one Christian, one explorer and one just doesn’t buy the idea. I shared with them why I believe in God and how I became a Christian. I learned early on this trip that God really wants me to listen and not make any judgment. I praise God for leading me through the discussion and to give me listening ears and hearts.
10 April 2007 – Tuesday
Our first day on the work site and everyone was really excited. We had a really good briefing from Cristi (our construction director) and Alex. Then we all went to work like busy bees. I was really impressed with how hard the kids worked. Sure there was a bit of horsing around but all in all the kids really did their parts in helping to bring decent housing to the families in Romania. I was the site leader and responsible for getting the my assigned teams to do plastering. The kids were quick learners and in no time they got the hang of throwing cement on the walls! The weather was perfect and everyone got a really nice tan!
The topic for cabin time was about how we see God personally. The girls were tired and the discussion was not as lively. However, they all still openly shared their views. I had to keep reminding myself that my role is to listen and understand. There is no right or wrong answer but just want to make sure the kids have a chance to digest and explore what John talked about during Club. Tonight was the 3rd night in a roll where I could not sleep at all. But I know the Lord is watching over me and keeping me safe on the work site. Praise God!
11 April 2007 – Wednesday
Yesterday gave me some good indication as how to organize the teams and distribute the work load. There were some major plastering that needed to be done outside and we got a few more construction supervisors from other Romania Habitat affiliates to come and help out. We had a complete team that ran the cement mixer and deliver the cement to everyone. Then we had one team to continue on the outside wall and another team to start working on the inside. I really wanted to do some plastering work myself but as a site leader, I had to run through the site to check on everyone’s progress and to deal with the other construction supervisors. It was not what I am used to on a Habitat project but realized that this is not a typical Habitat project. The Lord once again reminded me to have a servant’s heart. The main purpose on this trip is to share God with the kids and to help them see the joy of giving.
During club time, John showed us a great video from YouTube. It showed a chap in Australia offering “Free Hugs”. In the beginning, no one was willing to go near him. However, when the first person decided to walk over to get this “free hug”, the effect was contagious. Soon you see more and more people wanting the “free hug” and some even took up the sign to give “free hug”. After the video, John talked about the character of Christ, about His character of giving. Our cabin time discussion was about whether we believe all people have a desire to give and if we do then whether this comes from inside or outside. This was one of the most interesting cabin time. We started our discussion on the video and whether we would be willing to receive that “free hug”. Most of the girls were quite willing to accept the “free hug” but only after they have seen others tried it first. However, most of us would not be willing to carry a sign to give “free hug”. That struck me as how our society has conditioned our minds about giving and receiving and how perverted our society has become that deter us to have physical contact with people.
We then moved on to the topic of human desire to give. Alexis made a very interesting comment that people are all inherently selfish. And when we do give it’s only because we are expecting something in return whether tangible or intangible. However, Nicole believes that all people do possess the desire to give but just whether we are willing to embrace that desire. I was really touched by how open the girls are and how mature and intelligent they are.
Since its still public holiday in Romania, we spent the day doing team building activities and meeting our Habitat Romania host. Everyone was split into teams and we have 14 in all. Each team was assigned two work team leaders. Being a work site leader, I didn’t get a team of my own but would end up working with every team that would come around and plaster the building!
In the afternoon we had the Pitesti Habitat team to give us an introduction. This was the first time we met the local Habitat coordinator Alex Zaharai. He is absolutely hilarious and has such a great way with kids. Everyone loves him!
Our cabin time topic tonight was “Is there a God”. We deliberately started the talks on the light side since we wanted to share their views freely. In my cabin we have one Catholic, one Christian, one explorer and one just doesn’t buy the idea. I shared with them why I believe in God and how I became a Christian. I learned early on this trip that God really wants me to listen and not make any judgment. I praise God for leading me through the discussion and to give me listening ears and hearts.
10 April 2007 – Tuesday
Our first day on the work site and everyone was really excited. We had a really good briefing from Cristi (our construction director) and Alex. Then we all went to work like busy bees. I was really impressed with how hard the kids worked. Sure there was a bit of horsing around but all in all the kids really did their parts in helping to bring decent housing to the families in Romania. I was the site leader and responsible for getting the my assigned teams to do plastering. The kids were quick learners and in no time they got the hang of throwing cement on the walls! The weather was perfect and everyone got a really nice tan!
The topic for cabin time was about how we see God personally. The girls were tired and the discussion was not as lively. However, they all still openly shared their views. I had to keep reminding myself that my role is to listen and understand. There is no right or wrong answer but just want to make sure the kids have a chance to digest and explore what John talked about during Club. Tonight was the 3rd night in a roll where I could not sleep at all. But I know the Lord is watching over me and keeping me safe on the work site. Praise God!
11 April 2007 – Wednesday
Yesterday gave me some good indication as how to organize the teams and distribute the work load. There were some major plastering that needed to be done outside and we got a few more construction supervisors from other Romania Habitat affiliates to come and help out. We had a complete team that ran the cement mixer and deliver the cement to everyone. Then we had one team to continue on the outside wall and another team to start working on the inside. I really wanted to do some plastering work myself but as a site leader, I had to run through the site to check on everyone’s progress and to deal with the other construction supervisors. It was not what I am used to on a Habitat project but realized that this is not a typical Habitat project. The Lord once again reminded me to have a servant’s heart. The main purpose on this trip is to share God with the kids and to help them see the joy of giving.
During club time, John showed us a great video from YouTube. It showed a chap in Australia offering “Free Hugs”. In the beginning, no one was willing to go near him. However, when the first person decided to walk over to get this “free hug”, the effect was contagious. Soon you see more and more people wanting the “free hug” and some even took up the sign to give “free hug”. After the video, John talked about the character of Christ, about His character of giving. Our cabin time discussion was about whether we believe all people have a desire to give and if we do then whether this comes from inside or outside. This was one of the most interesting cabin time. We started our discussion on the video and whether we would be willing to receive that “free hug”. Most of the girls were quite willing to accept the “free hug” but only after they have seen others tried it first. However, most of us would not be willing to carry a sign to give “free hug”. That struck me as how our society has conditioned our minds about giving and receiving and how perverted our society has become that deter us to have physical contact with people.
We then moved on to the topic of human desire to give. Alexis made a very interesting comment that people are all inherently selfish. And when we do give it’s only because we are expecting something in return whether tangible or intangible. However, Nicole believes that all people do possess the desire to give but just whether we are willing to embrace that desire. I was really touched by how open the girls are and how mature and intelligent they are.
Easter in Romania - Part I
It has been two and a half weeks since I returned from our Youth Compass/ Habitat for Humanity Project Compassion trip. The trip had a big impact on my life and I just want to take the time to share my experience. Since there are so many things I want to talk about so I decided that it's best to break them in managable, readable pieces. I hope you will enjoy reading my experience as much as I enjoy sharing it!
Youth Compass and Habitat for Humanity
Project Compassion 2007
Oarja, Romania 8-15April
GOD is good! I want to first praise the Lord for watching over everyone on this trip. There was no major accident and everyone returned home safe and sound. Our GOD is awesome!
Habitat is certainly no stranger to me. However, this is the first time I worked with teenagers. Before this trip, I confessed to everyone that I was terrified. God and everyone know that I have very little patience and I am a control freak. I also have absolutely no clue how to communicate with teenagers. The major issue is that I was worried about being “uncool” around the teens. When I was a teenager I wanted so desperately to be with the “in-crowd”, however, since I couldn’t quite master that I compensated by studying lots and taking many college-prep classes. More than once I thought of backing out as a cabin leader and just be one of the work-site leader. This way I only need to do what I am comfortable with but not what God wants me to do. But our Lord is full of Grace and much more resourceful than I can imagine, so I became a worksite leader and cabin leader.
The Youth Compass Director (Julia) and Community Director (Jami) are great! They know how uncomfortable I am about dealing with teenagers so they assigned me to a cabin of 4 absolutely amazing young ladies. And now I just want to share these amazing experiences the Lord has bestowed on me during the week of Project Compassion.
8 April 2007 - Sunday
I was assigned the role of “Transport Captain”. What an impressive title! The main responsibility was to make sure everyone gets on the plane, gets off the plane and collects the bags! And of course to make sure they are safely delivered to their parents on our return. This was the start to my week long “surround-sound” experience.
We all landed in Pitesti safely and crammed onto a bus that is way older than all the teens and probably most of the leaders. The drive was uneventful and it took us just 1.5hours to get to our destination.
For the next 7days our home was a technical school. The girls including the leaders total 120+ and we were spread out in the dormitories. The rooms were dusty and the 120+ of us shared 3 squat toilets, 6 wash-basins and 7 showers. There were only 5 of us in our room so we have comparatively much more “living” space than most other groups with 6-8 people! The 75+ boys and their leaders slept on the floor in the gymnasium. It was not a pretty sight.
After all the unpacking, everyone gathered in the cafeteria to join Club. Every evening after dinner and a short break we would gather for Club time. This included some music, great comedy by Issac Improv (Christian comedy duo, completely hilarious) and talks by John. The first night of cabin time was simply to get to know each other and to share a bit about what we expect on this trip. An easy task for a novice like me and I thought, maybe I will survive after all!
Project Compassion 2007
Oarja, Romania 8-15April
GOD is good! I want to first praise the Lord for watching over everyone on this trip. There was no major accident and everyone returned home safe and sound. Our GOD is awesome!
Habitat is certainly no stranger to me. However, this is the first time I worked with teenagers. Before this trip, I confessed to everyone that I was terrified. God and everyone know that I have very little patience and I am a control freak. I also have absolutely no clue how to communicate with teenagers. The major issue is that I was worried about being “uncool” around the teens. When I was a teenager I wanted so desperately to be with the “in-crowd”, however, since I couldn’t quite master that I compensated by studying lots and taking many college-prep classes. More than once I thought of backing out as a cabin leader and just be one of the work-site leader. This way I only need to do what I am comfortable with but not what God wants me to do. But our Lord is full of Grace and much more resourceful than I can imagine, so I became a worksite leader and cabin leader.
The Youth Compass Director (Julia) and Community Director (Jami) are great! They know how uncomfortable I am about dealing with teenagers so they assigned me to a cabin of 4 absolutely amazing young ladies. And now I just want to share these amazing experiences the Lord has bestowed on me during the week of Project Compassion.
8 April 2007 - Sunday
I was assigned the role of “Transport Captain”. What an impressive title! The main responsibility was to make sure everyone gets on the plane, gets off the plane and collects the bags! And of course to make sure they are safely delivered to their parents on our return. This was the start to my week long “surround-sound” experience.
We all landed in Pitesti safely and crammed onto a bus that is way older than all the teens and probably most of the leaders. The drive was uneventful and it took us just 1.5hours to get to our destination.
For the next 7days our home was a technical school. The girls including the leaders total 120+ and we were spread out in the dormitories. The rooms were dusty and the 120+ of us shared 3 squat toilets, 6 wash-basins and 7 showers. There were only 5 of us in our room so we have comparatively much more “living” space than most other groups with 6-8 people! The 75+ boys and their leaders slept on the floor in the gymnasium. It was not a pretty sight.
After all the unpacking, everyone gathered in the cafeteria to join Club. Every evening after dinner and a short break we would gather for Club time. This included some music, great comedy by Issac Improv (Christian comedy duo, completely hilarious) and talks by John. The first night of cabin time was simply to get to know each other and to share a bit about what we expect on this trip. An easy task for a novice like me and I thought, maybe I will survive after all!
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Blessed Easter
I have been so overwhelmed with emotion since the start of the day (and that's only 2.5hours ago!), I hope I will be able to capture all my thoughts.
This Easter I will be going to Romania with Youth Compass and will be building with Habitat for Humanity. The Lord is truly full of Grace. I have been involved with Habitat since March 2005 after the tsunami of Dec2004. The experience has left me firmly believe that the Lord is leading me to fulfill His purpose for me with Habitat. When the converation was struck with Julia about what Youth Compass can do for their Project Compassion this Easter, Habitat seemed like the perfect option. With that faithful moment, the Lord is now leading me down another path, one that will see me working with young people. I have been agonizing about this ever since I agreed to come on the project and the anxiety became stronger and stronger with each passing day. But I can see our God is good. After our Tuesday evening small group with prayers for the project, my anxiety started to subside. This morning as I was praying, I realized that all the Lord really wants me to do is to surrender myself completely to Him. To simply love Him and trust Him with all my heart and all my soul. To not depend on my strength but depend solely on His.
This then lead me to other thoughts. The most amazing thing is that all these thoughts occur within my 20minutes drive to the office. Two Easter ago I was baptized and from that moment onward, Easter Sunday has a very special meaning to me. However, I am not proud of how I spent my Easter last year. I did not celebrate it with the Lord but celebrate it in my old selfish ways. I had a "wonderful" time in a "of this world" manner but that has sown the seed of sinful thoughts in my mind ever since. When I signed up for Project Compassion earlier, the memory of last Easter was still lurking in the back of my mind. I believe this is what contributed to my anxiety. But this morning, through out my prayer then my drive to work, I felt the Holy Spirit stirring so strongly in me. I am so happy to be doing something that reflects the Glory of God. I feel blessed that I will be fulfilling God's purpose this Easter. I can "see" my old sinful thoughts being wiped from my mind. Then I once again realize how amazing the Lord is for He has forgiven my sin and now He wants me to forgive my sin as well!
And in the last 3minutes of my drive, I realize that Project Compassion is exactly what the Lord has planned for me. I started to recall time and time again how I depend on my own strength and my own wisdom to get things done in the office. It's very automatic because I believe I know how to do them and I don't need to "bother" the Lord. However, with this trip to Romania, I will be spending time with teenagers and sharing with them about Christ. I worried about how I may appear to them and whether I have all the answers. Will I look "uncool" in front of them and will I not be reflecting God's love. A revelation hit me as I was about to enter the garage that this is exactly why the Lord wants me to do Project Compassion, is so that I learn to surrender myself completely to Him. That I should not try to use my own knowledge but His wisdom. And this is not only for "new" things but for ALL things that I encounter in my life.
Our God is truly an awesome God! And I know now with ABSOLUTE certainty that this Easter will be a truly Blessed Easter! Praise our Lord!
This Easter I will be going to Romania with Youth Compass and will be building with Habitat for Humanity. The Lord is truly full of Grace. I have been involved with Habitat since March 2005 after the tsunami of Dec2004. The experience has left me firmly believe that the Lord is leading me to fulfill His purpose for me with Habitat. When the converation was struck with Julia about what Youth Compass can do for their Project Compassion this Easter, Habitat seemed like the perfect option. With that faithful moment, the Lord is now leading me down another path, one that will see me working with young people. I have been agonizing about this ever since I agreed to come on the project and the anxiety became stronger and stronger with each passing day. But I can see our God is good. After our Tuesday evening small group with prayers for the project, my anxiety started to subside. This morning as I was praying, I realized that all the Lord really wants me to do is to surrender myself completely to Him. To simply love Him and trust Him with all my heart and all my soul. To not depend on my strength but depend solely on His.
This then lead me to other thoughts. The most amazing thing is that all these thoughts occur within my 20minutes drive to the office. Two Easter ago I was baptized and from that moment onward, Easter Sunday has a very special meaning to me. However, I am not proud of how I spent my Easter last year. I did not celebrate it with the Lord but celebrate it in my old selfish ways. I had a "wonderful" time in a "of this world" manner but that has sown the seed of sinful thoughts in my mind ever since. When I signed up for Project Compassion earlier, the memory of last Easter was still lurking in the back of my mind. I believe this is what contributed to my anxiety. But this morning, through out my prayer then my drive to work, I felt the Holy Spirit stirring so strongly in me. I am so happy to be doing something that reflects the Glory of God. I feel blessed that I will be fulfilling God's purpose this Easter. I can "see" my old sinful thoughts being wiped from my mind. Then I once again realize how amazing the Lord is for He has forgiven my sin and now He wants me to forgive my sin as well!
And in the last 3minutes of my drive, I realize that Project Compassion is exactly what the Lord has planned for me. I started to recall time and time again how I depend on my own strength and my own wisdom to get things done in the office. It's very automatic because I believe I know how to do them and I don't need to "bother" the Lord. However, with this trip to Romania, I will be spending time with teenagers and sharing with them about Christ. I worried about how I may appear to them and whether I have all the answers. Will I look "uncool" in front of them and will I not be reflecting God's love. A revelation hit me as I was about to enter the garage that this is exactly why the Lord wants me to do Project Compassion, is so that I learn to surrender myself completely to Him. That I should not try to use my own knowledge but His wisdom. And this is not only for "new" things but for ALL things that I encounter in my life.
Our God is truly an awesome God! And I know now with ABSOLUTE certainty that this Easter will be a truly Blessed Easter! Praise our Lord!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Our Chief has returned home
I received the news that I have been dreading for a long time now...that our Chief has passed away. Alice was the chief of our ELLCO ladies group in CPBC. She has been a compassionate and loving leader. I will always remember the first time I met her at the bible college during a study group. I then just arrived in Singapore and has just started to go to CPBC. I filled out a welcome card and she contacted me right away. We met for a simple dinner and she made me feel so welcome. She encouraged me to join cell group but I was not comfortable with the idea at first. She never forced me but always kept me inform of meetings and get-together. The first meeting I went I did it for selfish reason. Because I was going through some "rough" time at work and I was wondering whether the cell group can help alleviate my axiety. That was the first time I learned about Alice's illness. The experience overwhelmed me because here I was going through some trivial issues in my work life and was making a big deal about whether God knows my grief and there is our Chief with this life threatening sickness but yet surrendering herself completely in God's hands.
There are many many wonderful things that Alice has done for the ELLCO ladies and for anyone that comes in contact with her. Her passion and devotion for God is a shinning example. She is truly a faithful servant for Christ. She has suffered so much during her illness but she has never doubted the compassion of our Lord. Even the doctor said she is a walking mircale!
I feel so sad that she has left us but at the same time I thank the Lord for taking away her suffering and for bringing her home. I don't fathom to understand the purpose of the suffering that Alice had to endure in the past years but I do know that I thank the Lord for each day that Alice was on earth for she has touched so many of us. She has touched me beyond words and I know now that she is finally at peace. I will always remember and love her for she is truly an angel in disguise.
Thank you Lord Father for having Alice in my life and thank you Lord for taking her home with you to live in eternal peace and happiness. We know she will continue to be a blessing for us even when she is in heaven with You. Praise you Lord. Amen!
There are many many wonderful things that Alice has done for the ELLCO ladies and for anyone that comes in contact with her. Her passion and devotion for God is a shinning example. She is truly a faithful servant for Christ. She has suffered so much during her illness but she has never doubted the compassion of our Lord. Even the doctor said she is a walking mircale!
I feel so sad that she has left us but at the same time I thank the Lord for taking away her suffering and for bringing her home. I don't fathom to understand the purpose of the suffering that Alice had to endure in the past years but I do know that I thank the Lord for each day that Alice was on earth for she has touched so many of us. She has touched me beyond words and I know now that she is finally at peace. I will always remember and love her for she is truly an angel in disguise.
Thank you Lord Father for having Alice in my life and thank you Lord for taking her home with you to live in eternal peace and happiness. We know she will continue to be a blessing for us even when she is in heaven with You. Praise you Lord. Amen!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Catching up
Much has happened in the past 3.5 weeks since I last wrote in my blog. Work has been quite busy but that is always the case in the beginning of the year. We also had to recruit a new manager and that is always a difficult task, to make judegment calls and hope that you are right. I simply prayed to the Lord for His wisdom and really hoped that I really listened to Him during the whole process. One of our member from the small group had to return to the US. The German authority did not renew his work visa. Although I don't know him well at all but from the teary goodbyes, I learn that he is truly a servant for Christ. I am sure the Lord is leading him to greener pasture. We are still reading The Jesus I Never Knew and just covered the chapter of Jesus's resurrection. An interesting comment popped up from Julia which I certainly shared. That is we never ever challenged Jesus died for us on the cross and then resurrected. Even before I became a Christian, that has always been an unquestionable truth to me. However, the interesting part is there are many passages in the Old Testament that really stumped us. The description of God in the Old Testament is a cruel and jealous God. Before I became a Christian, that was what really stopped me from wanting to be a Christian. Now that I have been baptised and saved, I still have queries about the same passages in the Old Testament but simply pray that the Lord will give me the wisdom to eventually understand. Or maybe I never will understand but that I will simply have a chance to ask Him directly when we finally go home to Him.
I will be volunteering with Youth Compass to bring teenagers to Romania for a week of build and bonding. This whole idea absolutely terrifies me. I know I have no patience. I need to have control. I don't want people to think I am uncool! However, this experience will exactly place me in the very territory of my fear. I believe God has a purpose. Maybe He realize that Mocha certainly didn't help me to change but He knows that I need to change in order to truly reflect His glory. So He now places me in this enviornment so I must seek Him and surrender to Him completely in order to really learn. I pray that the Holy Spirit will be in me to lead me and guide me so that I may finally walk in the same foot steps as God in these areas. Amen!
I will be volunteering with Youth Compass to bring teenagers to Romania for a week of build and bonding. This whole idea absolutely terrifies me. I know I have no patience. I need to have control. I don't want people to think I am uncool! However, this experience will exactly place me in the very territory of my fear. I believe God has a purpose. Maybe He realize that Mocha certainly didn't help me to change but He knows that I need to change in order to truly reflect His glory. So He now places me in this enviornment so I must seek Him and surrender to Him completely in order to really learn. I pray that the Holy Spirit will be in me to lead me and guide me so that I may finally walk in the same foot steps as God in these areas. Amen!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Stumbling Blocks
Romans 14:13 -- Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. (NIV)
How amazing is our God! I just want to praise Him and honor Him for He is always finding different ways to speak to me so I may learn His way!
I sent a rather judgemental and rude email to my business partner yesterday. Feeling a bit righteous and thinking I know better. Then I got a response from him which showed me my arrogance and how my email has visibly upset him. Naturally my first reponse was one of defensiveness. But then the Daily Bread email caught my eyes and I thought I would read that first before I give my business partner a piece of my mind. The Lord opened my eyes and showed me how easily I can be judging others when all judgements are reserve for our Lord. Before I comment on the speck of dust in other's eyes, I need to take the plank of wood out of my own eyes first! I immediately send an email to apologize to my partner. However the amazing thing is not just about asking for forgiveness from him and forgiveness from the Lord. But the Lord put into my heart to forgive myself. I have a really tough time forgiving myself for any sin that I commit and I tend to drive myself to such self-loathing that it becomes destructive. This time, after the Lord has pointed out my error and reminded me to confess my sin, He also reminded me to forgive myself for the blood of Jesus has washed away my sin and has given me forgiveness. I must then learn and move on.
Our Lord is truly the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. I pray that He will continue to renew my spirit everyday and may the Holy Spirit inside me guide me and lead me to a more intimate walk with God. Amen!
How amazing is our God! I just want to praise Him and honor Him for He is always finding different ways to speak to me so I may learn His way!
I sent a rather judgemental and rude email to my business partner yesterday. Feeling a bit righteous and thinking I know better. Then I got a response from him which showed me my arrogance and how my email has visibly upset him. Naturally my first reponse was one of defensiveness. But then the Daily Bread email caught my eyes and I thought I would read that first before I give my business partner a piece of my mind. The Lord opened my eyes and showed me how easily I can be judging others when all judgements are reserve for our Lord. Before I comment on the speck of dust in other's eyes, I need to take the plank of wood out of my own eyes first! I immediately send an email to apologize to my partner. However the amazing thing is not just about asking for forgiveness from him and forgiveness from the Lord. But the Lord put into my heart to forgive myself. I have a really tough time forgiving myself for any sin that I commit and I tend to drive myself to such self-loathing that it becomes destructive. This time, after the Lord has pointed out my error and reminded me to confess my sin, He also reminded me to forgive myself for the blood of Jesus has washed away my sin and has given me forgiveness. I must then learn and move on.
Our Lord is truly the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. I pray that He will continue to renew my spirit everyday and may the Holy Spirit inside me guide me and lead me to a more intimate walk with God. Amen!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
LOVE
Praise the Lord! What a beautiful Sunday! Not just a perfect day for worship but just simply perfect because God has made it so. Pastor Paul spoke of 1Corinthians13 today, my absolute favorite passage in the whole bible. Hope, faith and love, all important elements God has bestowed on us but ultimately it is Love that makes the difference. It never occurred to me until Pastor Paul mentioned it today. Hope and Faith are important but some how their characteristics will change when we meet the Lord in Heaven. Hope and Faith will be realized at that point. However, Love is the same. Maybe the Love will be even greater or maybe we will be able to "feel" it more but the characteristic is still the same. The amazing Love our Father in Heaven has, for giving us His only Son to die for us on the cross so we may have eternal fellowship with Him. And the Love that the Lord wants us to experience and share with everyone around us, whether they are families, friends, strangers or even enemies. I thank the Lord for His Love! There is nothing more or less that I can do will change that Love. Praise you my Heavenly Father! I pray that I will be able to spread the same Love to all those that are around me and may all Glory goes to you!
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstances." NLT 1Corinthians13:4-7
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstances." NLT 1Corinthians13:4-7
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Absolute Grace
Our small group met up for the first time this year. It was great to see everyone, some new faces and some old faces. We are now studying Philip Yancey's The Jesus I Never Knew. What a fascinating book! I was behind on my reading so I started to catch up and didn't realize that I read past the chapter already! Yesterday we discussed Chapter 7, Message: A Sermon of Offense. We looked at 5 different interpretations of the Sermon on the Mount that was delivered by Jesus. What was interesting is how even today, we each still holds different ideas of how the Sermon should apply in our lifes.
For me as I read the chapter, what really captivated me was Tolstoy's response to critics that he has failed to live up to all of Christ's command. A few of his words stood out to me, "And I answer that I am guilty, and vile, and worthy of contempt for my failure to carry them out." He did not try to defend himself. He responded that he could not fulfill "one thousandth part of (Christian precepts)" but it is not because he did not want to but unable to. And he asked if anyone can help him escape the temptation of the world then help him do so in order to fulfill those precepts. He said, "Attack me, I do this myself, but attack me rather than the path I follow and which I point out to anyone who asks me where I think it lies." The Words of God is the truth and Jesus Sermon on the Mount is a description of God's characters. It is true that we will never be able to attain such perfection but we should certainly strive to. But as we are striving to follow Jesus teachings, we need to remember to not do it as if we are taking an exam or trying to score 100% on a test. We follow the teaching because we want to be close to God, to have a relationship with Jesus where we can walk together in good and bad times. What strikes me is the closing of this chapter when the author wrote, "we are all desperate, and that is in fact the only state appropriate to a human being who wants to know God. Having fallen from the absolute Ideal, we have nowhere to land but in the safety net of absolute grace." How true is that and how bless we are. For everytime we encounter difficulty or failure, we know it is a way the Lord is helping to strengthen us for greater things in His kingdom. And everytime we fail to live up to God's Ideal, we know that we are covered by His Love and Grace. Therefore, although we will never achieve perfection, but we should never stop striving.
For me as I read the chapter, what really captivated me was Tolstoy's response to critics that he has failed to live up to all of Christ's command. A few of his words stood out to me, "And I answer that I am guilty, and vile, and worthy of contempt for my failure to carry them out." He did not try to defend himself. He responded that he could not fulfill "one thousandth part of (Christian precepts)" but it is not because he did not want to but unable to. And he asked if anyone can help him escape the temptation of the world then help him do so in order to fulfill those precepts. He said, "Attack me, I do this myself, but attack me rather than the path I follow and which I point out to anyone who asks me where I think it lies." The Words of God is the truth and Jesus Sermon on the Mount is a description of God's characters. It is true that we will never be able to attain such perfection but we should certainly strive to. But as we are striving to follow Jesus teachings, we need to remember to not do it as if we are taking an exam or trying to score 100% on a test. We follow the teaching because we want to be close to God, to have a relationship with Jesus where we can walk together in good and bad times. What strikes me is the closing of this chapter when the author wrote, "we are all desperate, and that is in fact the only state appropriate to a human being who wants to know God. Having fallen from the absolute Ideal, we have nowhere to land but in the safety net of absolute grace." How true is that and how bless we are. For everytime we encounter difficulty or failure, we know it is a way the Lord is helping to strengthen us for greater things in His kingdom. And everytime we fail to live up to God's Ideal, we know that we are covered by His Love and Grace. Therefore, although we will never achieve perfection, but we should never stop striving.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Perfect Sunday
It was a really peaceful and lovely day yesterday. I got up early in the morning, prayed to the Lord for His renewal in me then went off to church. The weather was beautiful and as I looked out of the window from church, I could see the sun shinning and giving us warmth. Such is the greatness of God.
I returned home after the service and instead of simply watching videos, I started to read. I wanted to finish the Screwtape Letter, which I did. And I started picking up on other books to read. I picked up Jonathan Aitkin's book about Prayers for People under Pressure. And I leared about ACTS - Adoration/ Confession/ Thanksgiving/ Supplication. What a great way to pray! I remember asking that questions just a few days ago about why do I pray? I suppose the simplest answer is so I can communicate directly to God. So I can tell Him how much I love Him and how thankful I am of His love and everything that He has done for me. So I can confess to Him my sin and all my flaws and ask for His forgivenss and guidance. Then ultimately pray to Him for His mighty and loving Hands to work in our lifes and meet our needs.
Things are starting to clear up for me and my heart is slowly returning to peace. I just know that whenever I am weary, the Lord will give me rest!
I returned home after the service and instead of simply watching videos, I started to read. I wanted to finish the Screwtape Letter, which I did. And I started picking up on other books to read. I picked up Jonathan Aitkin's book about Prayers for People under Pressure. And I leared about ACTS - Adoration/ Confession/ Thanksgiving/ Supplication. What a great way to pray! I remember asking that questions just a few days ago about why do I pray? I suppose the simplest answer is so I can communicate directly to God. So I can tell Him how much I love Him and how thankful I am of His love and everything that He has done for me. So I can confess to Him my sin and all my flaws and ask for His forgivenss and guidance. Then ultimately pray to Him for His mighty and loving Hands to work in our lifes and meet our needs.
Things are starting to clear up for me and my heart is slowly returning to peace. I just know that whenever I am weary, the Lord will give me rest!
Friday, January 05, 2007
Inward Renewal
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah40:29-31 NIV
I got up this morning and was getting prepared to go to work. Then I realized that I should pray first. I know my heart may still be struggling but I prayed for a renewel of strength and of faith. I walked out the door and saw the grey sky but then I started to remember the blog that I read about Wesley's father and the way he and Grace continued to praise the Lord even in the midst of their father's hospitalization. I only read the last 10 days of the 204days blog but they reminded me of the blessings that the Lord has given me everyday of my life. Then I looked up at the grey sky again and realized that for one bad thing that has happened the Lord has given me million of things to be thankful for. Even the rain is a renewl of life on earth for without it the plants will not grow and our physical thirst will not be quenched.
I have been receiving such encouraging words from everyone in the past couple of days. I know the Lord has surrounded me with angels that are prepared to catch me when I fall. For He has said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew11:28-30 NIV
I still need to constantly refer to the bible for scriptures and verses and I pray I will start to memorize them. But I am thankful that I am starting to recall what I have read and is getting easier for me to search for His Words. My brother wrote me an email and asked if there is anything we as a family can do for Carrie. I planned to visit her in a few weeks time as she settles. Then I was reminded again how bless I am. Although I see a healthy life taken away suddenly but then I recalled the blessings the Lord has bestowed on my own family. My parents are getting older but they are still healthy and we are able to spend quality time together. Through the difficulties in our own family, we have grown to be much closer. I am reminded to not take anything for granted and to tell my family how much I love them each and every day.
As I read through the Daily Wisdom, the writer dedicated a verse to her sick friend. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." NIV2Corinthians4:16 And I know the Lord is not only speaking to me but to our Chief. For no physical disease can ever take away our inward renewel and that shall sustain us eternally. I pray for such renewal in each of us. And maybe this is what will put the meaning of prayer back into my life.
I got up this morning and was getting prepared to go to work. Then I realized that I should pray first. I know my heart may still be struggling but I prayed for a renewel of strength and of faith. I walked out the door and saw the grey sky but then I started to remember the blog that I read about Wesley's father and the way he and Grace continued to praise the Lord even in the midst of their father's hospitalization. I only read the last 10 days of the 204days blog but they reminded me of the blessings that the Lord has given me everyday of my life. Then I looked up at the grey sky again and realized that for one bad thing that has happened the Lord has given me million of things to be thankful for. Even the rain is a renewl of life on earth for without it the plants will not grow and our physical thirst will not be quenched.
I have been receiving such encouraging words from everyone in the past couple of days. I know the Lord has surrounded me with angels that are prepared to catch me when I fall. For He has said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew11:28-30 NIV
I still need to constantly refer to the bible for scriptures and verses and I pray I will start to memorize them. But I am thankful that I am starting to recall what I have read and is getting easier for me to search for His Words. My brother wrote me an email and asked if there is anything we as a family can do for Carrie. I planned to visit her in a few weeks time as she settles. Then I was reminded again how bless I am. Although I see a healthy life taken away suddenly but then I recalled the blessings the Lord has bestowed on my own family. My parents are getting older but they are still healthy and we are able to spend quality time together. Through the difficulties in our own family, we have grown to be much closer. I am reminded to not take anything for granted and to tell my family how much I love them each and every day.
As I read through the Daily Wisdom, the writer dedicated a verse to her sick friend. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." NIV2Corinthians4:16 And I know the Lord is not only speaking to me but to our Chief. For no physical disease can ever take away our inward renewel and that shall sustain us eternally. I pray for such renewal in each of us. And maybe this is what will put the meaning of prayer back into my life.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Continue to struggle
As I read the blogs on the spiritual journey of my three friends and then remembered all that I have written in my own blogs and the time I spent with my cell group in Singapore since my baptism, I realized a commom theme. I have always felt that I am truly blessed. That the Lord has never put anything in my path that makes me feel utterly sad and defeated. I have always asked the question that what if I had to go through the same trial and tribulation as Job, would I still be standing tall before God at the end? I constantly worried that I will fail in His eyes and in the eyes of my brothers and sisters. But ultimately, that's just pride. I want to be the "perfect" Christian because it has taken me so long. I pride on being stubborn and that if I have chosen this path on my own after the Lord has shown me miracles so many times, then I must not waste any more time. Of course I have sinned...always...but somehow I never lost faith. I always feel blessed and that God loves me.
I can't understand why I am feeling so helpless at this moment, so overwhelmingly emotional. I am not particularly close to Hubert/Carrie and their family since we hardly see each other. But I was just there. He was alive and looking well when I left Courchevel on 26Dec. I witnessed a loving family. A family that radiates warmth and love for each others and those around them. Suddenly, a perfectly healthy life is snatched away. A loving life partner to my cousin and a loving father to his children, just gone.
I re-examined my prayers. I pray for healings, for love, for grace, for faith. But what am I really praying for? What am I thinking as I pray? Do I pray because I have to or feel that it is the "Christian" thing to do? I prayed this morning but did not start with my usual prayer. I don't want to be a hypocrite and a liar. I don't want to pray the usual prayer of healing and love when I don't understand what is happening around me. I know He knows but I want to say it out loud as well. I told Him I don't understand and I am sad and overwhelmed. But I don't want to lose faith. I prayed that the Holy Spirit will strengthen me from the inside. I still prayed for healings for others but I didn't pray for love for me anymore. I feel...I am just not ready yet...
I can't understand why I am feeling so helpless at this moment, so overwhelmingly emotional. I am not particularly close to Hubert/Carrie and their family since we hardly see each other. But I was just there. He was alive and looking well when I left Courchevel on 26Dec. I witnessed a loving family. A family that radiates warmth and love for each others and those around them. Suddenly, a perfectly healthy life is snatched away. A loving life partner to my cousin and a loving father to his children, just gone.
I re-examined my prayers. I pray for healings, for love, for grace, for faith. But what am I really praying for? What am I thinking as I pray? Do I pray because I have to or feel that it is the "Christian" thing to do? I prayed this morning but did not start with my usual prayer. I don't want to be a hypocrite and a liar. I don't want to pray the usual prayer of healing and love when I don't understand what is happening around me. I know He knows but I want to say it out loud as well. I told Him I don't understand and I am sad and overwhelmed. But I don't want to lose faith. I prayed that the Holy Spirit will strengthen me from the inside. I still prayed for healings for others but I didn't pray for love for me anymore. I feel...I am just not ready yet...
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
A new start
It's been 8+months since I last wrote in my blog. Much has happened like moving from Singapore to Frankfurt. But nothing seemed like much after what has been happening in the past 2 weeks.
I spent a lovely and warm X'mas with my cousin Carrie and her family up in Courchevel in the French Alps. We had lovely X'mas meals at home. My neice and nephews, all adults now, were chattering away with their father Hubert and Carrie and I had great chats with her mom (my aunt). I was reminded how blessed I am that the Lord has given me not just amazing family but wonderful extended family as well. Then I spent a lovely and peaceful New Year in Copenhagen with an old friend. No loud party or crazy drinking but just quiet meals at home and lovely long walks around the city and its surrounding.
I returned to Frankfurt feeling refresh and got myself ready to start the new year feeling extremely content. I emailed my dear sisters in Singapore to find out how our "Chief" is doing as she is bravely fighting cancer. She has such great faith in the Lord even in the midst of her sickness. I then found out that the Chief is not doing well and the cancer cells are feverishly attacking and eating up any new blood transfusion that is going into her body. Everything must be left up to our Lord.
Then I got a shocking news yesterday that Carrie's husband Hubert, the family that I spent X'mas with, passed away a couple of days after I left Courchevel. He went for a walk with his son and felled and hit his head and never recovered from the injury. I was utterly shocked as I just saw him one week ago and he was perfectly fine. I spoke with Carrie and her son on the phone and offered my condolence. But besides that I really didn't know what else to say. I myself had a tough time accepting this fact until I spoke to them.
I cried. I cried not just because I was sad about the death but I cried because I absolutely do not understand why God is doing what He is doing. Why is He allowing our Chief to suffer? She has such great faith in Him and continues to have faith in Him to perform a mighty miracle. Why did He take away Hubert so suddenly and he is perfectly healthy? Why did He bring sorrow to such a loving family?
I prayed. I prayed not just for Grace and Love and Faith and Hope for Carrie and her family. I prayed not just for Hubert's soul to rest. I prayed not just for the mighty healing hands of the Lord upon our Chief. I prayed not just for the easing of pain on her body. But I prayed most earnestly to the Lord for not allowing any of us especially myself to lose faith in Him. I don't understand what possible purposes He has in doing what He is doing but I simply have to have faith that He has His purpose. So I continue to pray...
I spent a lovely and warm X'mas with my cousin Carrie and her family up in Courchevel in the French Alps. We had lovely X'mas meals at home. My neice and nephews, all adults now, were chattering away with their father Hubert and Carrie and I had great chats with her mom (my aunt). I was reminded how blessed I am that the Lord has given me not just amazing family but wonderful extended family as well. Then I spent a lovely and peaceful New Year in Copenhagen with an old friend. No loud party or crazy drinking but just quiet meals at home and lovely long walks around the city and its surrounding.
I returned to Frankfurt feeling refresh and got myself ready to start the new year feeling extremely content. I emailed my dear sisters in Singapore to find out how our "Chief" is doing as she is bravely fighting cancer. She has such great faith in the Lord even in the midst of her sickness. I then found out that the Chief is not doing well and the cancer cells are feverishly attacking and eating up any new blood transfusion that is going into her body. Everything must be left up to our Lord.
Then I got a shocking news yesterday that Carrie's husband Hubert, the family that I spent X'mas with, passed away a couple of days after I left Courchevel. He went for a walk with his son and felled and hit his head and never recovered from the injury. I was utterly shocked as I just saw him one week ago and he was perfectly fine. I spoke with Carrie and her son on the phone and offered my condolence. But besides that I really didn't know what else to say. I myself had a tough time accepting this fact until I spoke to them.
I cried. I cried not just because I was sad about the death but I cried because I absolutely do not understand why God is doing what He is doing. Why is He allowing our Chief to suffer? She has such great faith in Him and continues to have faith in Him to perform a mighty miracle. Why did He take away Hubert so suddenly and he is perfectly healthy? Why did He bring sorrow to such a loving family?
I prayed. I prayed not just for Grace and Love and Faith and Hope for Carrie and her family. I prayed not just for Hubert's soul to rest. I prayed not just for the mighty healing hands of the Lord upon our Chief. I prayed not just for the easing of pain on her body. But I prayed most earnestly to the Lord for not allowing any of us especially myself to lose faith in Him. I don't understand what possible purposes He has in doing what He is doing but I simply have to have faith that He has His purpose. So I continue to pray...
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